The end

“A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom.”

- Robert Frost

Goodbye 2008 - your end is finally here.

Here's to a different polarity in 2009.

This never fails to...

Why do you mean so much to me? Help me to find words to explain. Why do I mean so much to you, that you should command me to love you? And if I fail to love you, you are angry and threaten me with great sorrow, as if not to love you were not sorrow enough in itself. Have pity on me and help me, O Lord my God. Tell me why you mean so much to me.

- Saint Augustine

I got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match

They say the captain goes down with the ship
So, when the world ends will God go down with it?

I've been listening to Fall Out Boy's new album, "Folie a Deux," and I have to admit that it's pretty good. I'm kind of ashamed to confess it, since I find them to be a bit..."teenish."

One of the songs on the album that I'm digging is called "What a Catch, Donnie." It's a pretty cheesy song, to be honest. It's very anthem-like, clearly meant to sway stadiums of their young fans. The ending is quite interesting - if you've heard Fall Out Boy's previous hits, you'll get it, but you might not like it.

At any rate, there's a verse that caught my ear. It's pasted above, but for those of you who are too lazy to move your eyes up a few lines, I'll paste it again here:

They say the captain goes down with the ship
So, when the world ends will God go down with it?

When I heard that, my immediate answer was: "He didn't wait for the world to end - he already has...and he went down for it."


Fall Out Boy - "What a Catch, Donnie"

Miracles

"We modern people think of miracles as the suspension of the natural order, but Jesus meant them to be the restoration of the natural order. The Bible tells us that God did not originally make the world to have disease, hunger, and death in it. Jesus has come to redeem where it is wrong and heal the world where it is broken. His miracles are not just proofs that he has power but also wonderful foretastes of what he is going to do with that power. Jesus's miracles are not just a challenge to our minds, but a promise to our hearts, that the world we all want is coming." - Timothy Keller

A wish repeated

A stretch of highway in Pennsylvania wore a mantle of pure blackness.
Fear took hold of me.
Wisps of fog were bitter ghosts,
Skittering leaves were mischievous creatures,
Gusts of wind were shouts of fury.
But I remembered the shooting star a few miles back
And everything changed.
Every inch of darkness became an opportunity for fleeting beauty, again.

Beauty in the unknown, or 'Jumping into puddles'

I was talking with a friend online the other day (if you're reading this, *wink wink*), and he mentioned Sigur Ros. I asked him if he liked the band, and he said yes, but that he wished he knew what they were saying. I agreed. Then he typed: "but i guess not knowing what they say adds to the music."

I replied: "true true."

And there it is.

It occurred to me on the way back to my apartment today that there is a lot of good that is left unappreciated and unnoticed because we foolishly disdain any shade of ignorance in our lives.

I'm not saying that absolute ignorance is absolute bliss, but methinks we are too preoccupied with knowing without appreciating not knowing.

Just as those strange Icelandic words add to the beauty of Sigur Ros' music, many of the things that quicken our pulses are rooted in the unknown...

...wondering what's around the corner...
...waiting on the results of exams and submitted papers...
...figuring out whether or not the girl you like reciprocates your affection for her...

This is why I'm somewhat glad that God hasn't revealed everything to us yet. The mystery of who he is (or isn't), what he does (or doesn't), how he does it (or doesn't) and why he does it (or doesn't) makes him more beautiful and glorious.

When our frustration about all that we don't understand is eventually stripped away, and when our unhealthy hunger for theology as a panacea is finally given up, I hope this sentiment will remain.

So, I hope you'll join me in the quest to see the unknown differently - not as a land that must always be conquered, but as a realm whose lingering presence makes us smile.


Sigur Ros - "Hoppipolla"

The grace of delayed inauguration

It's been over a month since Sen. Barack Obama won the 2008 presidential race. However, citizens of America still have to wait more than six weeks before he actually takes office.

In the meantime, President George W. Bush will remain the country's lame duck.

All of the passion, optimism and excitement surrounding Obama's campaign have encountered something of a wall here. It's almost palpable - the end of the presidential campaign has left a gaping hole in the news and everyday discussion. If news programs want to cover an Obama story, they sometimes have to wait for one of his press conferences involving the announcement of his future "team of rivals."

It might be me, but I find these announcements of Obama's future cabinet members to be a bit humorous. He stands behind a lectern showing a quasi-official "The Office of the President-Elect" sign, giving press conferences with all of these yet-to-be-important parts of his presidency standing beside him.

Those scenes remind me of some sort of amateur production. It almost seems fake, as if Obama and his friends are pretending. Yet these press conferences are immensely important events and are strong hints at what is to come.

It seems to me like a fairly strong fragrance of the current state of our world and what's to come, according to the Bible.

There is a lame duck ruler of this world - "the prince of the power of the air" - that is officially usurped, but not yet.

However, a new leader is fast approaching this throne. He has already won the race but has yet to officially take his rightful place.

There is a delayed inauguration here.

Now, in Obama's case, many of those who did not vote for him could care less about this delay. In fact, they might be wishing that the inauguration would be pushed even further back.

Those who did vote for Obama probably feel very differently. They are likely to be champing at the bit to see Jan. 20 come, wanting nothing more than to see that date moved up.

Either way, the day is coming.

But there is a major difference between the U.S. presidential election process and the notion of the Second Coming - and it is founded on grace.

Once you vote for a presidential candidate, that's it - you can't claim to have supported Obama when you voted for McCain, and vice versa. Your vote is final and irreversible. For those who didn't vote, they can't claim to have supported anyone.

While anyone who initially opposed Obama may throw their support behind him once they observe his quality in office, it will always be polluted by their original decision. The same goes for those who supported Obama and later choose to frown on his presidency. Look at politicians and their stances on the decision to invade Iraq - it doesn't matter a bit to the public what they think now. What matters most is what they thought at the outset.

In terms of the spiritual realm, many have already voted - some for Jesus, some against him and many still undecided (or apathetic).

For many Christians, especially those suffering deep pains and sorrows, the Second Coming couldn't come soon enough. In fact, many pray for that day to come as soon as possible. Some flippantly utter this longing, while others cry these words out from the depths of their tortured hearts.

I won't say that this is wrong, but I will say that if the ending of personal pain and suffering is the only aspect to any Christian's yearning for the Second Coming, it is a very selfish, parochial one that is in need of maturity and a further nearness to the heart of the Gospel.

The delay in Christ's establishment as the rightful ruler of this earth is an undeniable, incredible expression of grace - towards those who have already voted for him, and those that have yet to.

For those who have voted against him, are confused or have decided that this matter is not one of importance (or one that even exists) to them, this delayed inauguration allows them the chance to fix their sails, right their ships and either change their minds or choose the right side.

For Christians, among the many joys of lingering on this earth, one is the participation in the experience of grace for unbelievers mentioned above.

Each time one chooses God's side, it's not too far from the public appointments of officials to Obama's political team. We are a variegated group of flawed people who appear to be playing make-believe. The signs still don't appear official, the setting is less than glorious and we stand behind a leader that has yet to be officially inaugurated.

But if this delayed fulfillment means grace to all, especially those who have yet to find this joy that is ours now, then it becomes difficult to call for inauguration day to be pushed up, and in a sense, it even seems somewhat desirable to have this good day pushed back indefinitely.

The Enemy's lame duck term is nearing its end, just as President Bush's is, to the joy of many. The only difference is that Satan does not have the option of pardoning himself.

Why is God landing in this enemy-occupied world in disguise and starting a sort of secret society to undermine the Devil? Why is He not landing in force, invading it? Is it that He is not strong enough? Well, Christians think He is going to land in force; we do not know when. But we can guess why He is delaying. He wants to give us the chance of joining His side freely. I do not suppose you and I would have thought much of a Frenchman who waited till the Allies were marching into Germany and then announced he was on our side. God will invade. But I wonder whether people who ask God to interfere openly and directly in our world quite realize what it will be like when He does. When that happens, it is the end of the world. When the author walks on to the stage the play is over. God is going to invade, all right: but what is the good of saying you are on His side then, when you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream and something else -- something it never entered your head to conceive -- comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side. There is no use saying you choose to lie down when it has become impossible to stand up. That will not be the time for choosing: it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realized it before or not. Now, today, this moment, is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It will not last for ever. We must take it or leave it. - C.S. Lewis (emphasis added)

* Note: I am not implying that Obama is the equivalent of Jesus, or that Bush is the equivalent of Satan, though many might. There are merely parallels that I thought worthy of highlighting. Nothing more.

Débora Nascimento

I just saw "The Incredible Hulk," and all I can say is: Martina.

Or, should I say, Débora Nascimento. (She was way underused. She's also way underexposed. Why isn't she more famous?)

Ladies and gentlemen - my new celebrity crush.

I called her first. She's mine. If you try to take her, I will Hulk smash you.

Mr. Narwhal, please come home

It was great being home last week. I'm looking forward to going back in less than two weeks.

Home is where you are familiar with the TV channels, methinks.

I was able to catch some of "Elf," and warm bubbles formed in my belly.

Will Ferrell + Zooey Deschanel + Mr. Narwhal = Brilliance.

I can't wait for Christmas this year.




Dustin Kensrue - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

The Gospel of Journalism

"Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned..." - Romans 5:12 (ESV)

The idea of "federal headship" has become more real to me recently.

Rejection has been the most frequently inflicted pain since this quarter started. No, not the unrequited-love kind, but the interviewing kind.

I could probably go on for at least 29 paragraphs detailing all of the times I have asked people for an interview only to be rejected. I understand, for the most part. After all, time is precious and it's difficult to imagine many people whose pulses quicken at the thought of sharing their thoughts and being quoted by a journalism student. (I've found that tossing the word "graduate" in there doesn't do much good.)

Last Saturday, I was attempting to interview people at a local 7-Eleven. One lady rejected me and later told me, approximately, "Most people don't want to talk with you because of those people before you who twisted people's quotes around."

I nodded and understood. I had no rebuttal.

It's frustrating enough to be repeatedly rejected by people, but to know that it has just as much, if not more to do with the journalists who preceded me...that really broils my biscuits.

I am starting off at the bottom of the slope, right from the outset. I am guilty until proven innocent. It's left to me to build up and gain credibility, not to merely maintain it.

The sins of those before me have made me disreputable.

And I feel it when some people immediately turn their eyes away or cough when I utter the word "journalism."

So, what can be done about this?

1) Earn it: I can turn my back on the lengthy history of journalistic sins and try my damndest to redeem the whole profession myself, so to speak. I'd have to put blinders on and take care of my own credibility. I would have to try to build up a pristine record and maintain it until the day I die. It's virtually impossible, of course, but I could try. Still, this does nothing to deal with the root issue. It only gives me an empty motivation that does little to redeem the reputation of the profession, and sets a bar far too high for me to overcome.

2) Forgiveness: I could hope that all the heartstrings of every citizen in the world would somehow be pulled in the direction of forgiveness towards every single journalist who has thus far sullied the reputation of the profession. However, if this happened at 11:45:00 p.m. tonight, it's effect would be quashed at 11:45:01 p.m., when some journalist somewhere will have made another blunder, thus marring the profession anew. Again, this does not deal with the root problem.

3) Bliss: Ignore the problem altogether. All parties would try to turn a blind mind's eye to the matter and go on from there. This is probably the most cowardly of options, and does nothing to uproot the problem.

4) A flame deluge: The profession of journalism could be purged from society. Bad for a number of reasons, and I say that with the utmost objectivity. This is using a shotgun to kill a weed - the root remains.

There are countless other options, of course, but they all fall short.

Now, I could try to imagine a scenario where a perfect, reputable journalist would appear and take the blame for all of the profession's missteps - past, present and future. He would not only take the blame, but would claim to be the author of each mistake - past, present and future - and would take the consequences upon himself. He would assume the guise of every single faulty journalist - past, present and future - and would trade his spotless résumé for their blotted ones.

After he was prosecuted - harshly, I would imagine - the problem would have been properly resolved, the profession would be guiltless and interviews would come more easily for journalism students.

Those that would accept me as faultless would accept the solution, while those that would not accept me, in spite of the exchange, would, in effect, reject the solution. It would no longer reflect on me, but on the one who exchanged places with me.

Obviously, there are incredibly huge gaps between this scenario and the Gospel itself that make this illustration all but useless, but to think that this plot, in its essence, has actually played out in a much deeper, profound way, on a grander stage makes me pause, with gratitude.

And as I think about this, new roots begin to grow in me - further up and further in.

"Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience the many will be made righteous." - Romans 5:18-19

Alone

"You are as much alone with Him as if you were the only being He had ever created." - C.S. Lewis

Living alone has been mostly enjoyable so far. The pros have considerably outweighed the cons. It might have to do with the newness of it all, since I have never lived alone before, but still, it is pleasing to me.

I get to bask in my introvertedness for most of my evenings, and I like that.

I've heard people say they want to live alone because they desire to be away from people that annoy them at home.

While I am not one of those people, I have found that the appeal of being away from the annoyance of other people is a fleeting, if not false benefit of living by yourself.

I can only speak for myself, but I have found that the more I am alone, the more I annoys me. Terrible grammar, I know, but it's the best way I know how to say it.

Especially as a student who is constantly being humbled and challenged, there are many sober realizations as I look into that proverbial mirror, which has become ubiquitous somehow.

I constantly wonder - after more than 26 years of living, is this all I have become? Is this the furthest point I've reached so far in my life? Mentally, physically, spiritually, is this the zenith of my existence-to-date? Is this the return on all the investments poured into me?

Immediate sadness, regret and resignation imbues my heart, and at once I become irritated with me.

I realize that no matter where I am, no matter who I am with or not with, I am my own permanent roommate. I cannot get rid of me or leave me and instead choose another me.

Still, I begrudgingly count this as a benefit to living alone.

Because in this isolated condition, each passing minute feels more measured, deliberate and meaningful as I become familiar with what is approaching.

I cannot help but to bear with me, and I am led to believe that God also cannot help but to bear with me in the same manner, though he is glad to.

Just as I am alone with me, God, unbounded by time and place, is alone with me, every second of my miserable being.

The difference, I am trying to understand, is while I am unhappy to be stuck with myself, God is infinitely happy to have me as his - not because of who I appear to be in my own eyes, but because of who I actually am in his.

The rest of my years will be mostly the same - I will continue to be disappointed with who I am, and he will continue to be pleased with who I am becoming and have already become.

My joy is knowing that his pleasure will eventually meet with my discouragement - and his sentiment will win and overcome mine, and will even become mine.

It will be a delight like none other I have ever known, because it will, for the first time, be absent of me. That joy will finally be one that is perfectly calibrated and wonderfully aimed.

The struggle to embrace this thought allows me to dig further underneath what I see and to hold my head a bit higher as I tolerate me, alone.

"This is not a perfect illustration, of course. But it may give just a glimpse of what I believe to be the truth. God is not hurried along in the Time-stream of this universe any more than an author is hurried along in the imaginary time of his own novel. He has infinite attention to spare for each one of us. He does not have to deal with us in the mass. You are as much alone with Him as if you were the only being He had ever created. When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you had been the only man in the world." - C.S. Lewis

"They say of some temporal suffering, "No future bliss can make up for it," not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory." - C.S. Lewis

The Grand Pumpkin

If you want to have your entire belief system and deepest convictions challenged, watch the clip below.

Story time

For the past few days I have been walking the streets of the North Shore to interview as many random people as I can. To be brief, I am covering personal finance and economy stories for the next four weeks, and the interviews I conduct this weekend are critical to finding foundations for these stories.

As a result, I am realizing how incredibly difficult it is to find good stories.

I finally saw that I always took good news stories for granted, but today that has changed.

It's easy as sin to think of great stories, but to actually find evidence of them in the real world is another matter.

It takes a lot of hope, endurance and resolve to delve underneath some people's answers to poke at the real flesh of what they are saying, and even then it's not guaranteed that what oozes out is worthy of a story. Yet, no matter how much I try to track down awesome stories, I find them incredibly evasive. Many times it feels like chasing a ghost of my mind.

After a few hours of tiresome interviewing, I sat at the Metra station in Wilmette, cold and sleepy. I looked down the endless strip of metal and wood to my left, to my right, and wondered how wonderful it would be to have a story find me.

Then I realized that I have known this wonder - that I have been the one sought after by the Story itself.

It is, after all, the greatest story of them all. If it were left up to me to find it, I would be in infinitely vexing, fatally deep despair. But to have it find me - that is incredibly liberating. I can rest now, because I have it and it has me.

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On another note, I sent my absentee ballot yesterday. I won't say who I voted for here, but I wanted to share this photo and caption that a good friend of mine shared with me.

© Callie Shell / Aurora for Time

The Earth Will Shake

Turn up the volume for this one. (See the whole gig here.)

Rubber Duckie

You really gotta hold on me...

The leaves are turning beautiful shades of gold, brown and red, a distinct crispness permeates the air, layers and jackets are worn again, butterflies flutter around my stomach as their wings brush my heartstrings...

*sigh*

Yes, it's that time of year again: Fantasy Basketball fever is upon me, and I love it.

This year, I'm in a 9-cat, 20-team league, and this is my team:

Sassy Boys
1.	(12)	Danny Granger
2.	(29)	Jose Calderon
3.	(52)	Gerald Wallace
4.	(69)	Greg Oden
5.	(92)	Manu Ginobili
6.	(109)	Derrick Rose
7.	(132)	Hakim Warrick
8.	(149)	Rudy Fernandez
9.	(172)	Andrea Bargnani
10.	(189)	Russell Westbrook
11.	(212)	Sean Williams
12.	(229)	Aaron Gray

Sassy Boys 2008-09: You'd better not break my heart.

Your lips, your lies, your lust

Screw Nick and Norah's endless list of songs.

Here is a finite playlist of songs that has helped me to stay awake until 4 a.m. multiple times during the past couple weeks.

Also, at the end are trivial photos of my desk. (I have to use these to learn the art of photo editing tomorrow.)

Enjoy.

(Hopefully I'll have a more heartfelt post soon. My brain's just been fried lately.)

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Anberlin - Feel Good Drag


Anberlin - Breathe


Oasis - Waiting for the Rapture


Oasis - Soldier On


Paramore - Hallelujah


TV on the Radio - Halfway Home


TV on the Radio - Crying


mewithoutYou - In a Market Dimly Lit


Thrice - Firebreather


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A SHORT LOVE STORY IN STOP MOTION