FINISHED STORIES

Every now and then, I think of story ideas that seem like the first few threads of a resplendent tapestry. And there have been times when I've actually sat down and either written or typed out the first few lines or paragraphs of these stories. But in the end, I always come up against obstacles that abort these ventures: scarce time, lost momentum or the discovery that what seemed like an interesting story idea was anything but.

It's so damn frustrating, but I often feel that if I had more time, I could eventually overcome these obstacles and knock out at least one story that would absolutely captivate at least one reader on this planet.

I encountered this scenario again tonight and was met with the same cold wall.

But tonight, I was taken a step further:

I wondered what it would be like if I could have eternity to myself. This would give me the "time" to pursue and conclude every single story my fickle mind conjures up. Then I wondered what it would be like if I had eternity plus perfect sensibility, because this would mean that there would be no wasted "time" -- that no story my mind thought of would be fruitless and worthy of eventual abandonment, that every story my mind thought of would be satisfying and worthy of finishing.

The next jump is fairly obvious: I thought of God, whom Peter called "the Author of life" and whom C.S. Lewis referred to as "the author."

God is eternal, unbounded by time, relentless, almighty, good and perfect.

So, I am led to believe (forgive my casual wording):

• all story lines he pursues are good, with only satisfying endings in store
• he will inexorably pursue every thread he creates, until they all meet each other in himself -- the bigger picture, the deeper beauty
• free of "time," he will give every story his undivided attention, so to speak
• he is "able" to ensure that all stories brought forth will end well, no matter the plot twists -- in fact, he is "unable" to do otherwise

In a harsh world where so many good things come to naught, where so many precious things are ended too soon, where so many bad things are pursued to dead ends, where our time is so severely driven to secondary things -- in this world, knowing the attributes of my Author is tearfully comforting.

***

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6 ESV)

Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. (John 13:1 ESV)

I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge—even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you—so that you are not lacking in any gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:4-9 ESV)

FIT TO BE SEEN

Here's something I wrote back in 2006, unedited:

 "I have no pleasure in seeing my friends, unless I can believe myself fit to be seen." - Mr. Frank Churchill (in Emma, by Jane Austen)

This line occurs in a conversation between Emma Woodhouse and Mr. Frank Churchill, when the said characters are engaging in a conversation about how Mr. Churchill spent an entire day away in order to get his hair cut.

I think that there is some deeper significance in this one line that I can overanalyze and share with you all.

"Without question, one of the most frustrating things about the Christian life is the apparent contradiction between what God reckons us to be and what we, by experience, know ourselves to be." - Robin Boisvert

That summarizes what is likely every Christian's most arduous and tortuous battle.  We know what God deems us to be, and still it is impossible to ignore what we know we are by the acts we carry out, the thoughts we conceive, and the words we utter.  Our lowly self-esteem trumps our Lord's undeserving favorable gaze of affection towards us.

But, there are those shining moments of spurious glory where our actions, thoughts, and words somehow find themselves in line with the status we have with our Lord.  These are those seasons where we think we can finally deem ourselves to be deserving of God's love and grace, where we believe ourselves "fit to be seen."

And if we are not in one of these seasons?  Well, then all pleasure of "seeing" God, of communing with Him, of praying with Him, of serving Him, is gone.

The painful irony and quandary is, to put it gently, irreverent to God.

We place the sight we see in the mirror above His perspective that we read about in the Scriptures.

If we were to take Mr. Frank Churchill's quote and tweak it to fit this example, it would sound something like this:

"I have no pleasure in seeing my God, unless I can believe myself fit to be seen."

or, more specifically...

"I have no pleasure in conversing with, serving, or loving my God unless I can believe myself fit to converse with, serve, or love Him."

The word in this line that carries the most weight is "pleasure."  It is not that we just feel unworthy, but that that feeling takes away the "pleasure" in our relationship with God.  Furthermore, it is our wayward belief that determines the pleasure (or lack of) we find in our relationship with God.

A paradigm shift is in order.

CONFESSION

You know what absolutely kills me inside? Knowing that I'll never be the best at a single damn thing in this world.

But you know what keeps me sane? Knowing that I'm fully aware of this.

THANKSGIVING

‎"We ought to give thanks for all fortune: if it is 'good,' because is it good, if 'bad' because it works in us patience, humility, and the contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country." - C.S. Lewis

"Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day." - Robert Caspar Lintner

GROWING STRAIGHT UP

Here's something I wrote back in 2005, unedited:

I was parked at someone's house the other night and saw a young tree (a sapling?) in their yard.  I saw that the slender, delicate trunk of the tree was being gently pulled by strings tied to stakes on both the right and left sides.  This is obviously done to cause the tree to grow up straight and not crooked.

I got to thinking about this, and realized that when you really think about it with a simple mind, the whole concept behind this is pretty odd.  In order to grow a tree straight and tall, you must pull it to the right and left?  Of course it makes sense, but it just sounds weird.

I think many times our lives reflect these young trees that are being pulled on both sides.  The Gardener surely does this to us, as we are yet young saplings that have a ways to go before we become grand trees.  Even the slightest winds in this world will cause us to tilt to one side, but He will not have it so.  So, with the strings of hardships, joys, comforts, peace, friends, devastation, heartbreak, and loneliness, and stakes planted firmly in grace, love, and mercy, He pulls us from all sides to ensure that we grow straight up and tall, allowing our roots to creep deeper and grow more firmly.

So, if any of us are experiencing pain and sorrow in our hearts, it is because we are in need of those in order to grow up straight up towards heaven.  If any of us are experiencing a time of great happiness and pleasure, it is because we are in need of those in order to grow straight up towards heaven.  These things are done to us because our Gardener cannot help but to only allow us to grow straight upwards.  He does not desire for us to grow in wayward, tilted spurts that would make for a longer and more delayed path to the sky.  The straighter we grow, the faster and more directly we head towards home.  We all want to go home as soon as possible, and when the Gardener seems to take us off that straight and narrow path with delays and obstacles, we must be patient and understand that it may not be as it first appears.  He may, in fact, be doing exactly what we want and need Him to do.

We may not understand it now, but in the end, when we become like the cedars of Lebanon, when our trunks become thick and strong and our branches reach out in glorious fruition, all to the pleasure of our Gardener, we will understand it fully.

DELUSIONAL RHINO

"Aw, that's cute...and sad."

That was pretty much what I said in my head when I first saw this picture.

A rhino running his tail off on a treadmill in order to eventually look like a unicorn --  his goal is understandable, his effort is valiant, but it's all in vain. He'll never become a unicorn, no matter how much he runs.

In this illustration I see a simple reflection of us. Though we may be loath to confess it, we spend much of our lives on some kind of treadmill working toward some kind of improved version of ourselves. Most times these endeavors are selfish -- even evil. We try to reshape ourselves in order to fit the constructs of expectations set by those around us or ourselves, for misguided purposes. The end goals may seem admirable, but it's all a poor use of the precious time and energy we're allotted on this earth. It seems to me that most of us are prodigal in these matters, spending inordinate portions of our lives chasing these unattainable or self-indulgent objectives that always end in vanity, destitution and new treadmills.

Sometimes, however, these endeavors are good -- even holy. We desire to become more faithful in certain aspects of our lives; we work hard at calibrating our souls to the moral compass placed in our hearts; we try our best to balance our offenses with sufficient atonement. But even in these things, we often become so focused on ourselves, our narrow visions and our efforts that we lose our way and find ourselves on the same treadmills again and again.

In both cases, we forget how worthless our sweat is.

But if there is comfort to be had here, it's that both of these wayward paths share the same correction: We must come to grips with who we are and accept what we need -- we must stop fooling ourselves. The poster is too modest, the treadmill too small, our starting point too bereft. Our eyes must be fixed higher, our souls must be rooted in what's been done for us and our hearts must embrace the promise of what will be. We are to work harder for loftier goals, yet lean less on what we do on the way there.

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." - C.S. Lewis

Yes, to this day whenever Moses is read a veil lies over their hearts. But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. - 2 Corinthians 3:15-18 ESV

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure. - 1 John 3:1-3 ESV

O LORD, you will ordain peace for us, for you have indeed done for us all our works. - Isaiah 26:12 ESV

WALK WITH ME

Here's something I wrote back in 2005, unedited:

It's amazing how five months of jogging for 20 minutes and lifting weights three to five times a week can increase your stamina and endurance! I was bored tonight, so I decided to go out and take a nice jog around the neighborhood.  When I last did this way back in September, I got winded after about the first four minutes, but tonight I felt like Forrest Gump...I seriously felt like I could run from here to L.A. with energy to spare.  I felt like a running machine! I passed by about four opportunities to take a shorter route home, but I didn't take any of them.  It was a glorious night.

Anyhow, I passed by two couples walking with each other on my run.  Seeing them was nice, and made me yearn for the day when I might walk side by side with my wife on a warm summer night when we are elderly.  As I was taking a shower, I realized the significance of walking with your lover.

When you see a couple jogging together, it's nice to see but nothing special.  But when you see a couple, young or old, walking side by side, it's somehow romantic and wonderful to behold, something that you envy.  There's just a lot more intimacy when you walk side by side with someone.  When you run side by side, you can't really talk with each other, you can't really hold hands, it's hard to keep the exact same pace as the other person, and there's always that subtle competitive tension...it's just impersonal.

But when you walk side by side with someone, you can talk as you please without being short of breath, you can hold hands, step in stride with the other person, and all fear of falling behind or going too fast disappears.  It's just so intimate.

I believe that it's the same in our walk with God.  I guess our tendency is to run (and in a sense, as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9 and Hebrews 12, we must) towards our goal, but because we are yet such foolish and awkward creatures, spiritual infants, when we run ahead of our Lord's will we lose our way and stumble.  We encounter many situations and times in our lives when it seems that things happen that cause us to slow down, when bumps rear their ugly forms above the plane...a career path suddenly seems hopeless, a loved one leaves us, friends desert us, financial troubles abound...and I think many times this is the doing of our Lord, who wants to slow us down, pull us back, grasp our hand, and walk side by side with us again.

When we begin to run ahead of our Lord (in a completely metaphorical sense, of course, for who could outrun One who fills the universe, who is always behind and ahead of us at all times to push us and to pull us?) His voice becomes muddled in the wind, we let go of the guiding hand that has been leading us, and our pride begins to whisper to us sweet lies of our self-reliance and we begin to believe that God was only a heavy burden that slowed us down.

What we fail to realize in our slow times is that God wants to walk with us, side by side.  He wants intimacy with us, and when we complain and become frustrated because He has slowed us down for no apparent reason, we are blind to the true nature of our situations.  Many of our prayers for quick deliverance from our hardships are, in essence, asking for less intimacy, less love, less of Him, not more.

We know this, don't we? When we look back at the hardest and most trying times in our lives, don't we always see times of great intimacy with our Father? It has never been otherwise, and there is no reason to think that will ever change.

So, Lord, I guess I'm not asking for a quick and easy reprieve...I only ask that You would hold my hand tighter and speak wonderful things to me during this time, that You would walk with me through this valley as long as You desire, and that you would draw me ever closer to You forever.

"Enoch walked with God; then he was no more, because God took him away." - Genesis 5:24

"Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked with God." - Genesis 6:9

"Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." - 1 John 2:6

"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love." - 2 John 1:6

PART-TIME MAN OF PRINCIPLE

"You can't be a part-time man of principle."

HAND REMOVED

Here's something I wrote back in 2005, unedited:

I came to a red light in front of the Turtle Back Zoo today and I had the delight of seeing a mother crossing the street with her little boy.  He couldn't have been more than 2 years old.  His hand was in his mother's as he bounded across the street, hopping and taking his tiny running strides as his mother calmly walked beside him.  When they came to the other side the mother let go of the child's hand and immediately his spunk and energy seemed to leave him, and he walked calmly forward while his mother followed close behind.

He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

- from "The Screwtape Letters," by C.S. Lewis (written from the point of view of a devil uncle to his devil nephew)

ABSENT INTENTION

'If you will here stop and ask yourselves why you are not as pious as the primitive Christians were, your own heart will tell you, that it is neither through ignorance nor inability, but purely because you never thoroughly intended it.' - William Law

UNBEARABLE

God, I find your love absolutely unbearable.

THE INTOLERABLE COMPLIMENT

Here's something I wrote back in 2005, slightly edited:

Smile! God Loves You!

 

I've seen two of these bumper stickers in the past week, and each time I've wondered at what this really means. Yeah, I'm probably making this short and simple phrase unnecessarily complicated...

At first I thought that these were cool stickers to see. I mean, yeah, God does love you, and if anything should make you smile, this should be it! But then I got to thinking what, precisely, it means and what is entailed when God loves me.

And I immediately remembered all the times of pain that I've been through, and the trying times I'm going through right now. Do they give me good reason to smile? Hardly. But when it comes down to it...yeah, they should. God's love, and all love, carries in itself the intrinsic objective to bring the loved one towards a better end...to make them more whole, more lovable, more perfect. In the end I wholly agree with this exhortation to smile at the idea and glorious thought that God loves you...but I think it takes someone who has been through great sorrow and heart rending to truly understand and fully experience this impulse of muscles around our lips.

It's quite a coincidence, but I read something C.S. Lewis had to say on this exact matter, and well, he puts it a whole lot better than I ever could:

We are, not metaphorically but in very truth, a Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character. Here again we come up against what I have called the 'intolerable compliment.' Over a sketch made idly to amuse a child, an artist may not take much trouble: he may be content to let it go even though it is not exactly as he meant it to be. But over the great picture of his life -- the work which he loves, though in a different fashion, as intensely as a man loves a woman or a mother a child -- he will take endless trouble -- and would, doubtless, thereby give endless trouble to the picture if it were sentient. One can imagine a sentient picture, after being rubbed and scraped and recommenced for the tenth time, wishing that it were only a thumbnail sketch whose making was over in a minute. In the same way, it is natural for us to wish that God had designed for us a less glorious and less arduous destiny; but then we are wishing not for more love but for less...

When we fall in love with a woman, do we cease to care whether she is clean or dirty, fair or foul? Do we not rather then first begin to care? Does any woman regard it as a sign of love in a man that he neither knows nor cares how she is looking? Love may, indeed, love the beloved when her beauty is lost: but not because it is lost. Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but Love cannot cease to will their removal. Love is more sensitive than hatred itself to every blemish in the beloved; his 'feeling is more soft and sensible than are the tender horns of cockled snails.' Of all powers he forgives most, but he condones least: he is pleased with little, but demands all...

You asked for a loving God: you have one...How this should be, I do not know: it passes reason to explain why any creatures, not to say creatures such as we, should have a value so prodigious in their Creator's eyes.

- C.S. Lewis

(emphasis added)

RUNAWAY BRIDE(S)

Here's something I wrote back in 2005, slightly edited:

Jennifer Wilbanks.

Don't know the name? Well, if you've been anywhere but under a rock you'll recognize her story.

She's the real-life "runaway bride," the woman who faked her own kidnapping in order to avoid her wedding.

Yeah, people are pissed. She wasted countless hours and dollars that were spent by worried volunteers and police forces who could have spent their time on more worthy and necessary causes.

My first reaction was no different. I couldn't believe what she had done, and it made me angry. What made me even more angry, and confused, was hearing that her husband-to-be still wants to marry her! Is the dude stupid? Is he an idiot? He was just embarrassed in front of an entire nation...he will forever be the man who was such a loser that his fiancee went to such extreme measures to avoid marrying him...to the point of faking her own disappearance. I don't know about you guys, but if my fiancee did that to me I wouldn't take her back so easily...I'd be so embarrassed, so heartbroken, so discouraged, so dishonored, so angry, so bitter...


BAM


I am her.

I was to be married to the most wonderful, beautiful, perfect groom...and for some reason, I ran away. My wickedness drew me away from my Love and towards barrenness, loneliness, and despair. I embarrassed Him...I cannot bear to imagine what the Enemy must have been thinking as he scoffed and mocked Him. I made Him so angry, so heartbroken, so dishonored, that He wad driven to the point of death.

I left Him there on that altar...and it is on that altar that He sacrificed Himself, to show that He was not angry with me, He was not bitter, He forgave my stupidity and waywardness, once and for all.

And so, once again, I run back to the place I left my Husband...I run back to that altar...I run back to that cross, beckoning Him to take my hand in marriage again, vowing to never run away again.

And like always, He says, "I do."

"I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now." - Hosea 2:7

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ." - 2 Corinthians 1:20

REGULAR?

Here's something I wrote back in 2005, unedited:

My favorite gas station is the Gulf on Northfield Ave. in West Orange, hands down, no questions asked. They have the best pumpers. There's that one young kid who always greets me with a familiar "Hey" and a warm smile, and then there's this guy.

So it's Friday, I'm driving home from work to start the weekend, but I'm low on gas. That darned yellow light is on, yet again, and so I decide to stop by the Gulf on my way home.

I pull up to the pump, and the guy walks over to my car and uncaps my tank.

"Can I have $15 of regular please?" I says.

"Regular? This is Ferrari, man!" he proclaims with a smile.

"What? Are you kidding?" I says with a smile, slightly caught off guard by the unusually funny comment made by a man pumping gas. Then I laughed and he just smiled back.

"Regular? This is Ferrari, man!" I believe these are words that our Lord utters many times, though in more eloquent, divine, and true fashion.

We all pull up to the spiritual pump at least once a day (I hope), asking God to fill us up again. But what do we ask for? It seems that all to often we ask for things that may be good, but not the best. We ask for mushy love in the form of an imperfect person, when we have full love in the form of a perfect Lord and Savior knocking on our door. We ask for fleeting money that disappears just as water or sand does in our hands, when we have complete and eternal wealth and treasures that can never fade or flee awaiting our ever nearing homecoming. We unknowingly ask for immaturity and distance from God when we plead for pain, sorrow, and struggle to just be taken away, when we have maturity, fulness in character, and more intimate nearness to God waiting for us at the end of this short valley.

Regular? We're spiritual Ferraris, man!

Our bodies, hearts, and souls are no Kias, Hondas, or even Bentleys...they're so much better than that, and so, they deserve better than regular.

And yes, premium gas is quite expensive, but the currency we use is that of mercy and grace, and that is given to us in infinite measure by our Lord Jesus Christ.

Let's stop settling for regular, when premium, when supreme, when the best is offered to us freely each and every moment of our lives. It is ours for the taking.

Thanks Mr. Gas Pumper...I will never get regular again.

"We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade, the presence of God. The world is crowded with Him. He walks everywhere incognito. And the incognito is not always easy to penetrate. The real labor is to remember to attend. In fact to come awake. Still more to remain awake." - C.S. Lewis

"The greatest enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best." - Oswald Chambers

SONNET

On hearing the Dies Irae sung in the Sistine Chapel:

Nay, Lord, not thus! white lilies in the spring,
  Sad olive-groves, or silver-breasted dove,
  Teach me more clearly of Thy life and love
Than terrors of red flame and thundering.
The hillside vines dear memories of Thee bring:
  A bird at evening flying to its nest
  Tells me of One who had no place of rest:
I think it is of Thee the sparrows sing.
Come rather on some autumn afternoon,
  When red and brown are burnished on the leaves,
  And the fields echo to the gleaner's song,
Come when the splendid fulness of the moon
  Looks down upon the rows of golden sheaves,
  And reap Thy harvest: we have waited long.

  - Oscar Wilde

TWO

Here dies another day
During which I have had eyes, ears, hands
And the great world round me;
And with tomorrow begins another.
Why am I allowed two?

- G.K. Chesterton

LOVE

"God, who needs nothing, loves into existence wholly superfluous creatures in order that He may love and perfect them. He creates the universe, already foreseeing - or should we say 'seeing'? there are no tenses in God - the buzzing cloud of flies about the cross, the flayed back pressed against the uneven stake, the nails driven through the mesial nerves, the repeated incipient suffocation as the body droops, the repeated torture of back and arms as it is time after time, for breath's sake, hitched up. If I may dare the biological image, God is a 'host' who deliberately creates His own parasites; causes us to be that we may exploit and 'take advantage of' Him. Herein is love. This is the diagram of Love Himself, the inventor of all loves." - C.S. Lewis

BEHIND YOUR BACK

Here's something I wrote back in early 2005, unedited:

Isaiah 38:17

"Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back." (NIV)

Can anguish be beneficial? I think everyone can agree that yes, many times anguish does bring about good in the end. The King James Version translates this as: "Behold, for peace I had great bitterness". For peace? How can anguish and/or bitterness lead to peace?

King Hezekiah is writing this after a deadly illness he had, which the Lord had healed him from, granting him an extra fifteen years to live. Not only this, but God also promised to deliver Hezekiah and Israel from the hands of Assyria and vowed to defend the city.

Hezekiah's only hope to live during this illness was God. He cried out to the Lord and the Lord responded by healing him. Clearly, this was a humbling experience for him, to which he says in verse 15, "But what can I say? He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this. I will walk humbly all my years because of this anguish of my soul."

It's strangely wonderful to be humbled by the Lord through distressing and harsh circumstances. They are quick and heavy reminders that we are powerless and futile when it comes to being masters of our own lives. In the end, regardless of how powerful you are, God is the one who can destroy or save you. And I think it is this very concept that Hezekiah realized on his death bed, and that caused him to say that it was for his benefit, for his peace, that he suffered such anguish and bitterness. For now he knows that God and God alone is the Almighty One who holds his life in his hands, and seeing how gracious and merciful he was in this one matter, Hezekiah had all the reason in the world to find peace, living in God's wonderful promise.

What caught my eye in this verse was the second half. It was not out of mockery, pity, or self-seeking pride that God saved Hezekiah from the grips of death, but out of love. When you consider carefully who Hezekiah was in relation to God (i.e. nothing) this is quite a big idea.

Oh, oh, oh, but did you catch it? Did you?

"you have put all my sins behind your back."

Once again, the Old Testament gives us a foreshadowing of what is yet to come.

In His love, the Lord kept Hezekiah from destruction, and in so doing was required to do something about all of his sins. Could he just overlook them? Could he just let them pass? Absolutely not. God's justice and wrath will not allow it. It's in His very character, His uncompromising essence. Something must be done about Hezekiah's sins...but what?

The Lord puts them behind Him.

When someone wrongs us, especially someone who is dear to us, what is the only way we can forgive them and move on? By "putting it behind you", by leaving it in the past, by turning your back and pardoning that one instance of hurt and harm. God puts Hezekiah's sins behind Him...both in this figurative and also in a very literal sense.

Jesus Christ bore a heavy cross that was laden with all of our sins. Absolutely all of them...small or great, open or hidden, known or unknown, they are all put on that cross. And what does Jesus do with that cross?

He puts it behind His back.

He puts all our sins behind His back.

In that one act of love, justice, and grace, God shows us that our sins are forgiven, that He no longer sees them, because His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, has cast them all behind His back.

The next time you look at a picture or movie depicting Christ's death on that cross, or the next time you think about it and picture it in your head, think about this as you see Jesus hanging on that tree, with His arms opened to you, and notice the fullness and significance of the fact that He is not facing the cross He is nailed to.

And it was all in His love...

And just like Hezekiah, we can proclaim that our lives lived in anguish and bitterness before we met Christ were for our benefit, for our peace, because we now live in the promise of the very God who has saved us from the pit of destruction. The contrast between our former and our present states is immeasurable and should invoke humility and eternal praise.

Praise be to the One who put all of our sins behind Him.
Amen.

TRUTH NOW, LAZARUS

I feel like I'm the closest to mental, emotional and spiritual "clarity" than I've been in a while, which isn't saying much, but I suppose it's a start. I've been reading the minor prophets lately, which is mostly dire, dark stuff, but strayed into the Psalms for a bit last night and was struck by Psalm 15:

    O LORD, who shall sojourn in your tent?
        Who shall dwell on your holy hill?
    He who walks blamelessly and does what is right
        and speaks truth in his heart;
    who does not slander with his tongue
        and does no evil to his neighbor,
        nor takes up a reproach against his friend;
    in whose eyes a vile person is despised,
        but who honors those who fear the LORD;
    who swears to his own hurt and does not change;
    who does not put out his money at interest
        and does not take a bribe against the innocent.
    He who does these things shall never be moved.

I bolded the line that really stood out to me: "...speaks truth in his heart."

Through self-reflection and the exhortations of those God has placed around me, I've realized how much falsehood I've allowed to dwell in and sink into me. It's not that I've consciously embraced it, but I have done little to consciously combat it. This will change, with God's help. I'm going to immerse myself more in the Bible and prayer to do this.

Also, during my lunch break this afternoon, I realized how defeated I have been lately. While I accept and even embrace the notion that there are times when God demands silence and godly sorrow from us, our victory in Christ is never to be forgotten or set aside. I struggle with keeping that balance, but I'm sick of being so bogged down by fleeting burdens; I'm sick of slouching my shoulders as I walk beside the King, as His prince; I'm sick of living as if it were still those three days between the death and resurrection.

My troubles are temporary, but my victory is eternal. My faults are real, but my standing is assured. There is sorrow for me to taste, but my Savior has tasted my death -- and He's risen, and I with him.

As I prayed last night, I remembered Lazarus and our cell group's recent Bible study on John 11. For maybe the first time, I shifted my perspective and thought of what Lazarus must've seen as he rose from that slab of stone and walked, still dressed in linen, toward the tomb's bright opening. I wondered how he must've felt when he saw -- as he maybe expected to -- the face of none other than Jesus before him as the cloth was removed from his eyes.

I prayed that I would be Lazarus, that I would be made alive again, that the cloth would be removed from my eyes so that I might see my Love again.

I need God's help, of course. Your prayers would be appreciated as well.

NEW EYES, NEW WORDS

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (Hebrews 4:12-13 ESV)

I'm never fully satisfied with the outcomes of my eye exams because of the parts where the doctor asks me to read the letters and numbers from the chart on the wall. Regardless of whether they ask me to cover one eye at a time or try out different combinations of lenses to find the true quality of my eyesight, the characters remain the same.

So when they ask me to read a line on that chart with one combination of lenses formed in that Phoroptor (the contraption they place against my face), then ask me to read the same lifeless line again with another combination of lenses, it's tempting to recite the string of letters and numbers from memory rather than by what I actually see. The doctor's words of affirmation each time don't help.

How can I be satisfied with such a crude test for something as important as my eyesight?

This is why I'm glad God's Word is alive -- always the same yet always different.

I am still amazed at how much I learn from reading the same passages of the Bible over and over and over again. The words remain the same, yet their meaning and significance are always different -- clearer, sharper, deeper.

Among the many things the Word of God is to me, it's a litmus test. Each time I read its pages, I discover the quality of my mind, heart and soul. I often don't like its results, but I'm glad for them.

Those words are lenses through which I learn how well I see God, myself, others around me, this world, my life -- everything.

Though I sometimes begrudge reading "the same" words over and over and over again, childishly believing that there is no more to glean from them, I am never left the same after reading them.

New joys are found.
New sins are in need of repentance.
New convictions wound me.
New comforts heal me.
New chains are found.
New keys unlock new freedoms.
New tears are shed.
New eyes are grown.

When our color dies,
We will bury the ashes of time,
And we will earn new eyes.

A LIVE BODY

"A live body is not one that never gets hurt, but one that can to some extent repair itself. In the same way a Christian is not a man who never goes wrong, hut a man who is enabled to repent and pick himself up and begin over again after each stumble -- because the Christ-life is inside him, repairing him all the time, enabling him to repeat (in some degree) the kind of voluntary death which Christ Himself carried out." - C.S. Lewis

MEN'S BATHROOM CONSPIRACY

Here's something I wrote back in late 2004, unedited:

Something funny happened in the men's bathroom today.

So I walked in to take a #2, and all four stalls were empty, so I decided to occupy the first stall. But I guess the first one is the most popular cos the toilet paper was out. I'm glad I noticed before I sat down and unloaded, or else I would've been in a little predicament. I moved down to the third stall (the fourth one is for handicapped people, and no one likes sitting in the second one...cos if the first and third get occupied, you're taking a dump in between two other mysterious people, and that is just not comfortable at all) and proceeded to feed the toilet.

About two minutes later, I hear someone walk in and go into the first stall. I listened carefully to hear whether or not he would realize that there was no more toilet paper and move to another stall (which I hoped he would not do, because he probably would have moved next to me in the second stall, which would not have made for much comfort at all). But he didn't. I heard him unzip, sit down, and then proceed to splish splash away to his intestinal delight.

Needless to say, I almost burst into laughter. But I held it in.

After I washed my hands and was walking out, I almost laughed again, but held it in. I could just picture the guy realizing his predicament about halfway through his situation, and then think to himself, "Oh crap." Hahaha, I'm giggling now just thinking about it. And I pictured him waiting until I had left so he could waddle over to another stall, hoping that no one would walk in on him. Hahaha. And I also thought about taking all the other toilet paper in the bathroom, but never really considered doing it. I mean, that's just plain wrong...but it would have been ridiculously funny.

That was quite possibly the highlight of my workday. It was splendid.

Speaking of the men's bathroom...

I always wondered why they were made to be so uncomfortable. I mean, why can't they make stalls that didn't have those gaps in between the doors and separators? Why couldn't they create a simple red/green signal (something like they do on airplanes) on the stall doors so people wouldn't have to peek into the actual stall to see if it is occupied or not? Why don't the bottoms of the stalls reach the ground, leaving those awkward spaces so that you can see the man next to you tapping his foot as he's unleashing his intestinal wrath? Why are the urinals made in such a way as to allow any weirdo peeing next to you to just peek over and see your most private of privates? WHY?

I think I know why.

If public bathrooms (especially in offices) were made to be comfortable, what would stop anyone from wasting time in there? I mean, sometimes I'll "rest my eyes" after taking a dump because I feel secure and peaceful sitting in the stall, but when other people enter the bathroom I just can't stand the fact that I'm prone to being looked at between those dastardly gaps and so I more times than not leave as quickly as possible. If the bathroom were built to be comfortable and according to how I would want it (with no gaps, a red/green vacancy signal on each stall door, floor to ceiling coverage, disposable noseplugs in each stall, headphones with classical music in each stall with your selection of newspaper, and booths around the urinals), I'm sure my productivity would plummet. (Wait, no, that's impossible, because right now my productivity is close to zero already. This is besides the point.)

My point is, the man who designed what we now know as public bathrooms for men was an astute fellow, who had a method to his madness. Though I do not appreciate it, I respect him for being so ingenious.

And I also believe this is why men are more productive in the workplace than women, because women's bathrooms always have those plush couches and loveseats. I mean, c'mon, seriously, you're telling me they don't waste valuable company time gossiping and doing their makeup while sitting prim and pretty on those lovely seats? (I'm totally kidding.)

Alas, and here we have yet another picture (albeit flawed, lacking, and very crude) of something that we know from life's experiences; something C.S. Lewis talked about, and something Paul talked about.

Resting places on this earth are not meant to be places where we settle for good. They are meant for some purpose, just as a bathroom is meant for the release of your bodily waste. And once they have fulfilled their purposes, it is time to move on, to go forth and carry on the work that lies outside.

You can't sit in the steamy warmth and restful peace of the morning shower all day. There is life to be lived just outside the bathroom door.

You can't sit on the toilet seat all day. There is work to be done just outside the door.

You can't just lie down forever in the riches of a restful time that has been graciously bestowed unto you. There is a vast field that has yet to be harvested just outside the door.

"The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home." - C.S. Lewis

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before." - Philippians 3:13

A CURSE AND A BLESSING

Here's something I wrote back in early 2004, unedited:

I have finally finished reading the entire Bible!!!

Of course, it comes a bit late... I vowed to finish it this past summer, haha.  Better late than never, right?  I've read the NT over a few times, but I finally finished the entire OT just a few minutes ago.  But, yeah...it feels good to know that I've finished the Bible.  I consider it a great blessing to have been given the opportunity for my eyes to behold every word of God in the Bible...though I definitely cannot claim to have retained or even learned from the majority of it.  But, the more and more I read it...the more and more I understand just how many "layers" there are, just how much there is to discover.  It seems like every time I read a passage over again, I see something new.  It's awesome... I can't wait to see what new things I learn as I read it all over again.

One thing that caught my attention was how the Old Testament ends.  "He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse." (Malachi 4:6)  Now...maybe it's just me, but I thought that that was a horribly pessimistic and condeming way to end the OT.  I mean, of course, God didn't intend the OT to be just a "good story" to read with a fairy tale ending...but I mean, c'mon...how you gonna end it with a curse?! So, in my curiosity, I looked up this verse in a commentary online (by Matthew Henry), and it pointed something out that I found to be quite enlightening.

Yes, the Old Testament ends with a curse, but it does so that we may joyfully welcome the New Testament's arrival, which marks Christ's arrival, for He comes not with a curse, but with a great blessing.  And isn't it wonderful, that though the OT ends with a curse, the NT ends with a beautiful blessing: "The grace of our Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen." (Rev. 22:21)  And, as Matthew Henry puts it, "with it let us arm ourselves, or rather let God arm us, against this curse."

Hallelujah, Amen.

"But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall." - Malachi 4:2

THE PLAY

Here's something I wrote back in late 2003, unedited:

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise" - 1 Co. 1:27

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." - Hebrews 11:1, 6

  We live in a fallen world.  I see it everyday...dying plants, rust growing on metal beams, fading paint on the streets, roadkill, faded street signs, potholes, car accidents, traffic jams, ads using sex appeal, second-hand smoke, countless scandals in the business world, that homeless girl with her dog on the corner, those gimpy pigeons in the Port Authority with missing toes, that handicapped guy who rides the same bus I do each morning, those days when my boxers never seem to be on right, lust, pride, hate, murder, suicide...the list goes on...

  In view of all that, it's expected that faith is difficult to have, and even harder to keep.  It's so hard to see the point in it all.  The immediate rewards of faith, if any, seem so few...

  But this morning, I believe God spoke to me through Brendan Fraser.  Yes, the guy in The Mummy movies.  He was being interviewed by Al Roker on the Today Show about the new Looney Toons movie he's appearing in.  They talked about how in this movie, and in a lot of his other movies, he's had to deal with acting with imaginary characters.  He had to pretend that they were there while filming, and then in the production room, they add them in by using computers, and you can see the finished product in the final cut of the movie, and it all turns out "well."  He said, "You just have to believe that they're there."

  He had faith in those imaginary characters...he had faith that they would appear in the actual movie, and that all those seemingly foolish hours acting by himself would be rewarded when those characters are finally seen on the screen.  If Brendan Fraser could have faith in that, how much more are we to have faith in our lives?

  Of course, in this present life, here on this fallen earth, our acts of faith and the way our faith seems to mold who we are seem utterly foolish to the world.  Why waste your time at church? Why stay away from getting drunk and smoking? Why should you stop cursing? Why do you pray before you eat? Why embarass yourself in front of everyone?  All the small things that our faith manifests itself in are mere pretending, child's play, to the eyes of the world.  To them, and maybe sometimes to ourselves, it seems as if we are living in a way that is so foolish all because of our faith...it seems as if we are acting out scenes all by ourselves, with a phantom, false hope of anything good resulting from it.  It's so hard for us to see and understand that the Director will take care of it all.

  This movie (or as Mr. Lewis likes to call it, this "play") we are acting in will eventually be made beautiful.  It seems as if we are acting it out by ourselves for now, but we can surely trust that our Co-Star (or, in reality, the Star) who is not tangibly here now, will show Himself in the end.  All those times you gave up your seat for an elderly person, all those times you gave that homeless girl a dollar, all those times you refrained from yelling at your mom, all those times you spent that hour to talk with a friend in need when you could have been studying for that big exam tomorrow...in the end, they will be made complete, fulfilled, and it will no longer be foolishness.

  So let us act with confidence here on earth, knowing full well that our present "foolishness" will be seen as unspeakable beauty and divine wisdom when this movie is finally finished for all the world to see, when the true Star will finally be revealed in full, undeniable glory.  Oh, what an ending this movie will have...

  Ah, the echoes of redemption...of the Gospel...of God...everywhere around us. :)

A CALL TO ARMS

Here's something I wrote back in late 2004, unedited:

“Doubt is a luxury we can’t afford right now, sweetie.”

– Elastigirl (Helen Parr) to her daughter Violet in The Incredibles

            Allow me the chance to propose to you my theory of “Accelerated Backwardness.”  I’m sure that despite the awkward name, this theory is very familiar to all of you.  It seems to me that almost everything on this earth takes much less time to undo or do in reverse than it does to make it in the first place.  Here are a few examples:

• Climbing a hill or mountain takes longer than it does coming down.  Now, of course, gravity may have a part in this, but regardless, it supports this point.
• Oftentimes it takes much longer to find a place than it does to find your way home from it.
• It takes nine months to create life, and less than nine-tenths of a second to destroy it.
• An author can take a lifetime creating his work, and it can take an everyday reader a month to read through it all.
• A large tree may have taken lifetimes to grow to its current size, but all it takes is a few pieces of heavy equipment and a few minutes to cut it down.
• A bottle of fine wine may ferment for years on end, but all it takes is a few minutes for a drinker or two for it to be gone.
• It can take you a substantial amount of hours (and for those more diligent, days) to cram/study for a huge and important exam that only lasts for an hour or two.
• A Thanksgiving feast may take endless hours, maybe even days to produce, but all it takes is an hour for a family to devour it all.

You all know what I’m talking about now, don’t you?  It’s one of those overlooked facts of life on earth, and we are all familiar with it.

But this is not a scribble about some true but seemingly insignificant fact of life.  This is about our individual lives in Christ.  We are all at war with an enemy that is far too adept and shrewd to be taken lightly, yet many if not all of us appear to be soldiers fighting against a puppy.  This is not meant to be.  Dare I say it, but I see in all of us, myself most of all, a lack of urgency that could lead to our accelerated backward downfall.

“A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest – and poverty will come on your like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.” (Proverbs 6:10-11)  Many of us take this as some biblical financial advice, an adage to live by.  We take it to mean that we must be diligent or else we may be in danger of becoming poor.  But I don’t think that the Creator of all things, our God and Father would place this in His very own Word just to make sure that we don’t fall into fiscal distress.

Dear brothers, this is a warning not to be taken in light of our bank accounts, but in light of this war that we are all in.  Poverty and Scarcity are names for our enemy, who will surely bring about both of these in our spiritual lives if we are not careful.

Take some time with me now to reflect.  Think about all of your commitments, promises, and vows that you have made to yourself or to God, or to anyone else.

Go ahead.  Do it.

Now, I’m sure that most of these promises were inherently good.  They were oaths to better ourselves or a situation in some way, by forsaking a bad habit, focusing on a part of our character that has been lacking, or taking action against a harmful situation.  And if you are anything like me, as you think about these countless pledges, you come to realize that the vast majority of them were made in vain and with dishonest, unwise, and impulsive lips and hearts.

Now take some time with me to imagine.  What if we all followed through on each and every one of those commitments we made?  I don’t know about you, but I envision a church filled with more of Christ’s love and emptied of much bitterness and immaturity.  I also envision myself as a more complete, whole, peaceful, joyful, and loving man of God.  Now, let’s imagine that all Christians around the entire globe followed through on their commitments?  I can’t fully comprehend that, but I can’t help but to picture something that is all too near to heaven.

The point is this: With each and every moment we remain idle, lying in the mire of our own sin and disappointment, our enemy is closer to reaching his dastardly goal, which is to undermine and ruin the relationship with our Father that has been thus far been so beautifully and wonderfully wrought.  Though it may have taken years upon years for God to soften your heart and mind, allowing you to reach the maturity you have been granted today, do not doubt for a second that all it takes is a few days, hours, or moments of doubt, self-pity, and unfaithfulness for it all to be torn down to rubble.

As Elastigirl so wisely puts it, doubt is definitely not a luxury we can afford right now.  Do not lie ignorantly secure in thinking that your past has already secured your future.  A life as God’s child is not free from the duties and responsibilities of a soldier at war.  It is our calling to take each and every moment on the attack against our enemy, to take back bridges that have been taken from us and to claim them in our King’s name once again.

Let’s stop uttering empty promises and let’s stop imagining.  It is time to start to create realities with the commitments of our mouths and hearts, while never doubting, even for a second, that He will be faithful in all He does in our lives.  For too long we have waded in the riches of our ignorance, spending lavishly on doubts of all kinds, but it is time that we take up our weapons and go on the offensive.  It is time to take back that all-important bridge that joins our desires and our actions.

Glory, not blame

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." (John 9:1-3 ESV)

There was a loud, inconsiderate, irreverent young man seated two rows ahead of me on the train home yesterday. He was loudly talking and cackling with a friend on his cellphone for the first 15 minutes of the ride, as if he were blind to everyone around him. Then the elderly man seated in front of the young man turned around and kindly asked him to be quieter. The young man on the phone verbally brushed the elderly man off and told his friend what had just happened. He then proceeded to repeatedly call the man in front of him "crazy."

This went on for a few more minutes before the middle-aged man seated behind him firmly asked the young man to be quiet, that the train was usually kept quiet out of respect for others and that he was trying to take a nap because he was "tired as hell."

The young man scoffed quietly but continued his conversation in a hushed voice.

During this whole ordeal I couldn't help but to shake my head in disappointment.

"Whose fault is this? Who failed him? His parents must've done a poor job teaching him what it means to be courteous and respectful of those around you. Maybe his teachers didn't do a sufficient job of disciplining him. Maybe his friends abet this behavior."

These were the kind of thoughts treading through my mind.

After reading the three verses posted atop this post, I realized just how quick I am to vindictively assess blame, and how slow I am to see opportunities for glory, mercy and grace. It's so easy to ask why darkness is happening -- more specifically, why it's happening to me -- but so difficult to look beyond that to wonder about what that darkness is meant to bring about.

Is it such a mind-blowing thing to consider that God allows for "blindness" -- hardships, troubles and heartbreak -- in order that he might display his power in it?

No, for we know that our good Father took the darkest blindness and worked out a way to salvation for us. So we can truly say, with full assurance, that it was not we who sinned, nor our parents, nor Adam himself, but rather Jesus, who became sin for us.

I hope the works of God are displayed in that rude young man, as they were in me.

The Lord's Love for Israel

I was reading the lyrics to a song this morning and the bridge really captured me:

It's true that you could snap my neck
I trust you'll save my life instead
'Cause our love is a loyalty sworn
If we hold to our hope

Then I know we can weather the storm
Whatever they say, come what may

Then I began reading Hosea 11, a chapter with the heading "The Lord's Love for Israel." (Please read the chapter if you have a minute.)

The chapter begins as follows, in verses 1-2:

    When Israel was a child, I loved him,
        and out of Egypt I called my son.
    The more they were called,
        the more they went away;
    they kept sacrificing to the Baals
        and burning offerings to idols.

Then come verses 8-9:

    How can I give you up, O Ephraim?
        How can I hand you over, O Israel?
    How can I make you like Admah?
        How can I treat you like Zeboiim?
    My heart recoils within me;
        my compassion grows warm and tender.
    I will not execute my burning anger;
        I will not again destroy Ephraim;
    for I am God and not a man,
        the Holy One in your midst,
        and I will not come in wrath.

Here's what the study Bible notes say:

"Hos. 11:8 How can I give you up? In highly anthropomorphic terms, the Lord pours out his irrepressible love; Isa. 49:15 and Jer. 31:20 express the same sentiment. The relationship between God and his chosen must not be viewed as a formality. These emotional outpourings demonstrate that the Lord is a person, filled with compassion—unlike the lifeless Baals. His affection weighs heavier than Israel’s ingratitude, and he cannot bring himself to renounce his people, even though they renounce him. How can I make you like Admah … like Zeboiim? These two cities were totally destroyed (see Deut. 29:23; also Gen. 14:2, 8). The love that the Lord has for his children restrains him from obliterating them. He will preserve Israel through a remnant (cf. Rom. 11:5)."

The back of my neck tingled, my throat tightened, my eyeballs got damp and I was once again reminded of how stubborn God is about withholding the wrath I deserve and giving me the love I don't. God's love for us overwhelms all we do to escape it.

The Carousel

Maleldil

"Do you place yourself in the obedience," said the Director, "in obedience to Maleldil?"

"Sir," said Jane, "I know nothing of Maleldil. But I place myself in obedience to you."

"It is enough for the present," said the Director. "This is the courtesy of Deep Heaven: that when you mean well, He always takes you to have meant better than you knew. It will not be enough for always. He is very jealous. He will have you for no one but Himself in the end. But for tonight, it is enough."

Daniel 9:7-11

Funny how things worked out...

To you, O Lord, belongs righteousness, but to us open shame, as at this day, to the men of Judah, to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and to all Israel, those who are near and those who are far away, in all the lands to which you have driven them, because of the treachery that they have committed against you. To us, O LORD, belongs open shame, to our kings, to our princes, and to our fathers, because we have sinned against you. To the Lord our God belong mercy and forgiveness, for we have rebelled against him and have not obeyed the voice of the LORD our God by walking in his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets. All Israel has transgressed your law and turned aside, refusing to obey your voice. And the curse and oath that are written in the Law of Moses the servant of God have been poured out upon us, because we have sinned against him.

(Daniel 9:7-11 ESV)

Sleeping At Last

If you're not listening to Sleeping At Last, you're a dummy.

God, may these good intentions / be the outline of so much more / when i breathe, from now on / i'll mean it more than i ever did before

The Gospel

I think I love hearing the Gospel more than I love the Gospel.

This frightens me.

Thankful

A few minutes ago, I felt a glimmer of bright, genuine thanks for all that I have in this life.

Why it won't stick, I don't know.

Wooden pews and floors respond

You pity me.

But know this:

Every time I creak because I'm being stepped on,

Every time I sag because I'm being sat on,

I'm doing more good

Than you ever will.

Happy dog

About two weeks ago I was riding in a jam-packed light-rail train during rush hour on the way home and overheard two ladies talking about a variety of topics. Near the end of the ride, I heard one lady talk about a family member's dog and how it panicked whenever it was let free in the backyard:

"The only way the dog was happy was when he was tied to something."

Familiar tongue

I recently had the opportunity to spend a handful of days traveling through Europe -- London, Rome and Paris. It was all kinds of wonderful, but one thing I'll share here is how pleasant it was to hear English after going days and days in lands where unfamiliar tongues prevailed. It was refreshing, relieving and comforting.

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city. - Hebrews 11:13-16

I am reminded that I am a sojourner on this earth, and that I am headed to a land whose tongue will make the language I speak and write with approximate fluency here seem strange and awkward.

That better country will have a tongue that will resonate with me in a way that no good book, quote or lyric will ever be able to do here. A single syllable will unravel the heavy, convoluted mess of ineffable emotions I've been hauling in my heart for so many years, to reveal a sublime tapestry of brilliance and understanding. I will immediately realize that I am truly known and, indeed, have always been known by the love I've been aching for my whole life. My heart will melt with concurrent waves of sorrow and joy until all that's left is throbbing worship.

When I hear those first words of welcome, I'll know that I'm finally home.

I have a left-handed heart