Self-Image

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
       sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
  - Proverbs 23:24

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." - C.S. Lewis

"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives." - C.S. Lewis

"Without the gospel, your self-image is based upon living up to some standards – whether yours or someone’s imposed upon you. If you live up to those standards, you will be confident but not humble. If you don’t live up to them, you will be humble but not confident. Only in the gospel can you be both enormously bold and utterly sensitive and humble. For you are both perfect and a sinner!" - Dr. Tim Keller

Bitter Death

I listened to a Tim Keller sermon the other day and he brought up an interesting point. Dr. Keller said that Jesus was the only person ever to choose death. He admitted that there are, of course, many noble people who have died voluntarily, but they did not really choose death itself; they merely chose when they would meet death. For humans death is inevitable and unavoidable, so we have no choice in dying. Instead, we can only choose when we want to meet that end. For Christ, God incarnate, death is anything but inevitable and unavoidable, so death must be a deliberate and heavy choice.

Christ's death was wholly voluntary, and I believe that he embraced and experienced death to its fullest extent. There will never be another who will feel the most blatant experience of death in its truest form than he.

Matthew 27:34 says, "There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it."

This verse struck me, because it seemed inconsistent with the Jesus we are shown everywhere else in the gospels. In countless places Jesus reads people's thoughts, emotions, and even their pasts. So, in verse 34, are we really supposed to believe that Christ didn't know something as simple as the fact that the wine he was offered was mixed with gall? Did he really have to taste it to find that out?

My take on this is that he knew that the wine was mixed with gall. I think that this seemingly small occurrence speaks volumes about who Jesus was and what he did.

Now, I'm probably being a little speculative here, but I think that Jesus voluntarily chose to taste the bitter wine mixed with gall in order to fully taste the bitterness of death. Verse 34 displays his full and inexorable surrender and embrace of death and all its bitterness, to the point where he would physically taste its acerbity in order to fully "taste" death for himself, and maybe even to show us his steadfast willingness and commitment to this cup, which was not taken from him.

He could have easily refused the wine mixed with gall before tasting it and still accomplished the wonderful work on Calvary, but he still chose to taste it.

(This is a stretch, but could the wine and gall in verse 34 be figuratively related to the "cup" that Jesus references to in Matthew 25:42, where he prays "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done"?)

What Dr. Keller said and what verse 34 seems to tell me convey the same thing. They both amplify the truth that Jesus fully accepted his fate, his death, and our punishment. He really, truly chose death, and chose to taste it in all its bitterness, for us.

When I think about this, I really find myself at a loss for words.

On a related note, I just read what is now my favorite poem of all time. It's called The Ballad of Reading Gaol, by Oscar Wilde. It is quite long, but it tells a story of a man's impending hanging from the perspective of a fellow inmate. (Wilde actually spent two years at Reading Prison, and signs the poem "C.3.3," which was his prisoner identification there. You can read more about the background behind this poem here.) I like it because it uses some rhyming patterns, and the story moved me greatly. If you want to read it, you can do so here. (It's quite long.)

I will end this post with a few great lines (there are so many) from the poem which seemed fitting for the topic at hand.

Alas! it is a fearful thing
To feel another’s guilt!
For, right within, the sword of Sin
Pierced to its poisoned hilt,
And as molten lead were the tears we shed
For the blood we had not spilt.

The warders with their shoes of felt
Crept by each padlocked door,
And peeped and saw, with eyes of awe,
Gray figures on the floor,
And wondered why men knelt to pray
Who never prayed before.

All through the night we knelt and prayed,
Mad mourners of a corse!
The troubled plumes of midnight shook
Like the plumes upon a hearse:
And as bitter wine upon a sponge
Was the savour of Remorse.

. . .

Ah! happy they whose hearts can break
And peace of pardon win!
How else may man make straight his plan
And cleanse his soul from Sin?
How else but through a broken heart
May Lord Christ enter in?

. . .

For only blood can wipe out blood,
And only tears can heal:
And the crimson stain that was of Cain
Became Christ's snow-white seal.

Toynbee & Lewis

"It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it." - Arnold Toynbee

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"Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither." - C.S. Lewis

Consumed By...

A dead deer has been lying on the side of a street near my house for the past few days.  When I drive with my windows down I can smell its stench.

When I think about it, it almost concerns me that I do not feel much, if any sorrow at all that this deer (which looks young) had its life cut short at the hands of a human driving a metallic monster.

This apathy towards death is not something foreign to me, nor is it something that is isolated to dead animals.  It extends towards humans, too.

Every time I hear or see something about a death on the news I think about how unfortunate it is, but rarely do I feel emotionally stirred by it.  Even when the mass murders at Virginia Tech occurred, though I felt shock, horror, and sorrow, it was all a bit muted because of my distance from the events...not just physical distance, but emotional and relational distance from the massacre.

Yes, even on 9/11 I only felt this muted sense of sorrow, despite living less than 1.5 miles from ground zero.

Of course, the matter takes on a different form when a death that is near to me occurs.  I thank God that I have not had to mourn a close family member's death yet, but when my dog died I genuinely felt true sorrow.  For a while after his death I really did mourn and felt such a precise and stunning pain, but even then I could not embrace the mourning and sorrow as much as I wanted to.  I don't really know how to explain it, but when I mourned I wanted to be completely consumed by it, even if it would just be for a day or two, but preferably for much longer.  I felt that was the only way I could really agonize.  But I was never wholly consumed...very nearly, but not completely.

In fact, when tragic events do occur, I think that I feel just as much frustration as sorrow because I find that I can never fully allow myself to be consumed...as strange as it is to type that, I think it's true.

If I allow myself the license to let my thoughts wander a bit, I think that this separation from sorrow, this dullness to it, is the result of the fall.  When sin entered the world through the fall, "I" became the most important person to each of us.  A hateful stake was driven in between not only man and God, but between man and his fellow earthly companions, and that division means that we become effectually separated from each other..mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  This, I think, is the reason why our mourning, sympathy, and empathy for others' sorrows will never be whole and all-consuming while we are on this earth.  It will always be the slightest bit dulled.  We will never be able to perfectly empathize with someone's pains (and even their joys) because we are still "I."  So long as "I" remains intact, sorrows can never take a genuine hold on us.

And this is why I think I feel such frustration at not being able to sufficiently mourn with my fellow humans when they experience pain, loss, and death.  We are all born of the same flesh, yet we are always being driven further and further apart because of sIn.

No matter how much I can try, try, try to be consumed by another's sorrow and their condition, I cannot.

Thank God that he did not only try to be consumed, but actually allowed himself to be wholly consumed by our condition, sorrow, and even death for us, so that we would only be wholly consumed by joy.

And because of that, I believe that heaven will be a place where those dividing stakes will be plucked from our midsts (can you see it happening already?), and we will return to being one body that perfectly feels (for) each other.  Since "sorrow and sighing will flee away," we won't even have to worry about sufficiently experiencing each other's pains, but only each other's joys, and since all of our joys will be realized and met in Jesus Christ, we will be experiencing our Lord and Savior fully and perfectly, forever.  Imagine that...experiencing infinite and eternal joy...

What a beautiful future we have!

We were made for God.  Only by being in some respect like Him, only by being a manifestation of His beauty, lovingkindness, wisdom or goodness, has any earthly Beloved excited our love.  It is not that we have loved them too much, but that we did not quite understand what we were loving.  It is not that we shall be asked to turn from them, so dearly familiar, to a Stranger.  When we see the face of God we shall know that we have always known it.  He has been a party to, has made, sustained and moved moment by moment within, all our earthly experiences of innocent love.  All that was true love in them was, even on earth, far more His than ours, and ours only because His.  In Heaven there will be no anguish and no duty of turning away from our earthly Beloveds.  First, because we shall have turned already; from the portraits to the Original, from the rivulets to the Fountain, from the creatures He made lovable to Love Himself.  But secondly, because we shall find them all in Him.  By loving Him more than them we shall love them more than we now do.  - C.S. Lewis

"Hoping to Goodness"

Knocked Up (With Love)

I saw the film 'Knocked Up' twice this week, and I think it's a very good movie. I mean, it's quite vulgar, and I hope that teenagers don't get the idea that having unprotected intercourse will end up fine and dandy, but it's a solid film. It's a great blend of comedy (consistent like dough in bread, not like blueberries in a blueberry muffin...wait, did I make sense?) with a substantial storyline that is steered almost flawlessly by the actors. I really liked this movie.

(By the way, the most underrated scene involves Ryan Seacrest. There's no way he was acting that.)

There were loads of great scenes, but the hotel room scene with the five chairs was definitely one of the standouts. It wasn't just hilarious, but I really think that in their drugged out state, Ben and Pete actually experienced a significant moment of clarity and understanding. As ironic as that is, I really think that's what made this scene so special.

I want to discuss Pete's epiphany. While he was freaking out about the chairs in the hotel room, Pete realizes (out loud) that the reason why his marriage is in trouble is the fact that his wife loves him.

"The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love," he says.

I really liked this part of the script. Not only did it strangely make complete sense for Pete's situation (and I'm sure many relationships/marriages), but it makes sense for those of us who aren't even in relationships or married.

It seems to me that the main, foundational, driving reason why Christians struggle in their faith is the fact that they cannot accept "pure love" and what it entails.

What I think I mean is that because God's love is perfect, it demands us. It does not demand anything of us, but it demands us. God wants us around.

But this is the problem for us, isn't it? Because we are sinful we do not want God around so much. Yes, we desire his hand in our lives when we are in need, and of course there are many times when we genuinely desire him. However, we always seem to draw lines around the areas of our lives that he can totally possess.

Our Lord always wants to speak with us (with, not just to), he is always waiting for us to share our thoughts and troubles and joys with him, he is always desiring to have us fully...not only because we are rightfully his, but because in his perfect love he desires our very best.

Oswald Chambers said, "The great enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but the good which is not good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best."

Because we desire God's good we think that is enough. We turn our backs to him whenever he tries to offer us his best...namely, himself. We have no problem accepting his gifts, but we do have a problem accepting him.

Do you need proof of his love? Do you need a visual example of how much he loves us? Look no further than the cross, where Christ died for us so that we might experience the perfect love of our Father. Still, for whatever reasons, we turn our backs on what that perfect love offers us.

For me, the most practical thing this boils down to is my time. Yes, I have work and various other obligations. But do I spurn my Father with the time I have left? I know he wants to spend time with me because he has great things to say and show to me, but for some reason that's a problem for me. To be honest, there are many days where I won't spend more than 10-20 minutes reading the Bible or praying. And still I feel somewhat smothered by God's love and desire to spend time with me. It becomes an inconvenience to me.

I am like Pete. The biggest problem in my relationship with God is that he wants me around.

This old man in me, this sinful vestige is harnessing me to this wretched state. I don't say that to clear me of blame, but that is an undeniable fact. The old, sinful man in me cannot accept God's pure love...yet. I am looking forward to the day when that will change.

For now, I put my hope in (wouldn't you know it?) that perfect love of our Lord, because I know in it there is forgiveness, mercy, and a sure promise of progress and eventual perfection in the years to come.

Why do you mean so much to me? Help me to find words to explain. Why do I mean so much to you, that you should command me to love you? And if I fail to love you, you are angry and threaten me with great sorrow, as if not to love you were not sorrow enough in itself. Have pity on me and help me, O Lord my God. Tell me why you mean so much to me. - Saint Augustine

Dino-Riders!

Okay, you either get this one or you don't...but for your sake I really hope you do!

Dino-Riders!

I can't even put into words the thick feelings of nostalgia this strikes into me...

Cheering At Yourself

I notice this at just about every sporting event I attend or watch on television: there is always that break in the game where a camera pans the sea of fans and conveys its view on the big JumboTron.  Virtually every time, the fans who are lucky enough to get face time on the JumboTron start cheering like crazy...at the JumboTron.  Consequently, these fans start cheering at themselves, making for an awkward image for everyone else watching.

Yes, it is one of the most illogical and humorous things a human can do.  Of course, it's reasonable to expect this to happen since the fans usually only get a few seconds to cheer while they're on the JumboTron and it's difficult for someone to keep their wits enough about them in order to pause, extrapolate the approximate location of the camera, turn your body towards that approximate location, check the JumboTron to make sure you are correct, and then begin to cheer.  (Of course, this is speaking on behalf of the average human.  This situation might be hugely easier for a genius to process in a few nanoseconds.)

But it illustrates something that I find myself doing whenever I read the Bible, or any other writings that are meant to encourage me as a Christian.

These writings shine a wonderfully warm and awakening light on me, and after reading their words I am refreshed, renewed, and reminded.  But too often I'm like those fans cheering at the image of themselves up on the JumboTron.  I read those words, I see the nice things it says about and for me, and I cheer.  I don't pause to think about the lens through which I see myself before I respond.

That lens is, of course, Christ, without whom my vision of myself and everything around me would be distorted and ruined.

I have to learn to pause, turn towards the camera, and then cheer so that I can show my joy, appreciation, and gratitude to the viewing audience, and not just to myself.

Ask3D

The all new Ask.com is live!  Take a look at it.  I'm confident that you'll be pleased.



Here are some articles/posts about it:

WebProNews
TechCrunch
PC World
Ask.com Blog
NY Times
ZDNet
Techmeme

Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter (Lyrics Interpretation)

(Courtesy of Bill Simmons, one of the greatest writers of all time.)

Speechless...

LeBron's a Flirt

THANK YOU, LEBRON JAMES.

Thank you for finally unveiling your full glory.  Thank you for taking the spotlight off of Kobe Bryant's flip-flopping meltdown.  Thank you for turning our full attention back to the NBA playoffs action happening outside of tired San Antonio.  Thank you for giving us the unexpected.  Thank you for being the most incredible 22 year-old to grace this planet.  Thank you for finding that killer instinct that you said you lacked earlier in your career  Thank you for taking over this game and this league.

THANK YOU!

Okay, all hyperboles aside, if you missed out on Game 5 of the Detroit-Cleveland series you should punch yourself in the mouth.  LeBron was absolutely amazing.  48/9/7 doesn't even begin to explain his dominance in Game 5.

If you saw the game, did you notice how quiet and downright scared the Detroit crowd was during the two overtimes, and especially on Detroit's last play with 2.2 left?  The muted crowd said it all with their silence: they were witnessing inexorable glory right in front of their eyes and they knew there was nothing anyone in that building could do about it.  That was awesome.

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I came across a kickin' site today:  The Hood Internet.  It's a site that features a bunch of awesome mashups.  One of my favorites so far is I'm A Flirt (Shoreline), which mashes R. Kelly and Broken Social Scene together.

You can watch a cool mashup video for the song that someone made below:

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Finally, on June 4th, 2007 (Monday), Ask.com will have a brand new user interface.  I've seen it and it looks really sexy.  And it's not purely aesthetic either.  The new interface will give users a fresh and improved search experience, which other big competitors are lacking.

And no, I am not getting paid to say any of this.  Other bigger, smarter, and more experienced people in the industry are already saying flattering things about it.

But seriously, on Monday, June 4th (in the afternoon I believe) be ready to take a gander at a sweet new interface on Ask.com.