So I walked in to take a #2, and all four stalls were empty, so I decided to occupy the first stall. But I guess the first one is the most popular cos the toilet paper was out. I'm glad I noticed before I sat down and unloaded, or else I would've been in a little predicament. I moved down to the third stall (the fourth one is for handicapped people, and no one likes sitting in the second one...cos if the first and third get occupied, you're taking a dump in between two other mysterious people, and that is just not comfortable at all) and proceeded to feed the toilet.
About two minutes later, I hear someone walk in and go into the first stall. I listened carefully to hear whether or not he would realize that there was no more toilet paper and move to another stall (which I hoped he would not do, because he probably would have moved next to me in the second stall, which would not have made for much comfort at all). But he didn't. I heard him unzip, sit down, and then proceed to splish splash away to his intestinal delight.
Needless to say, I almost burst into laughter. But I held it in.
After I washed my hands and was walking out, I almost laughed again, but held it in. I could just picture the guy realizing his predicament about halfway through his situation, and then think to himself, "Oh crap." Hahaha, I'm giggling now just thinking about it. And I pictured him waiting until I had left so he could waddle over to another stall, hoping that no one would walk in on him. Hahaha. And I also thought about taking all the other toilet paper in the bathroom, but never really considered doing it. I mean, that's just plain wrong...but it would have been ridiculously funny.
That was quite possibly the highlight of my workday. It was splendid.
Speaking of the men's bathroom...
I always wondered why they were made to be so uncomfortable. I mean, why can't they make stalls that didn't have those gaps in between the doors and separators? Why couldn't they create a simple red/green signal (something like they do on airplanes) on the stall doors so people wouldn't have to peek into the actual stall to see if it is occupied or not? Why don't the bottoms of the stalls reach the ground, leaving those awkward spaces so that you can see the man next to you tapping his foot as he's unleashing his intestinal wrath? Why are the urinals made in such a way as to allow any weirdo peeing next to you to just peek over and see your most private of privates? WHY?
I think I know why.
If public bathrooms (especially in offices) were made to be comfortable, what would stop anyone from wasting time in there? I mean, sometimes I'll "rest my eyes" after taking a dump because I feel secure and peaceful sitting in the stall, but when other people enter the bathroom I just can't stand the fact that I'm prone to being looked at between those dastardly gaps and so I more times than not leave as quickly as possible. If the bathroom were built to be comfortable and according to how I would want it (with no gaps, a red/green vacancy signal on each stall door, floor to ceiling coverage, disposable noseplugs in each stall, headphones with classical music in each stall with your selection of newspaper, and booths around the urinals), I'm sure my productivity would plummet. (Wait, no, that's impossible, because right now my productivity is close to zero already. This is besides the point.)
My point is, the man who designed what we now know as public bathrooms for men was an astute fellow, who had a method to his madness. Though I do not appreciate it, I respect him for being so ingenious.
And I also believe this is why men are more productive in the workplace than women, because women's bathrooms always have those plush couches and loveseats. I mean, c'mon, seriously, you're telling me they don't waste valuable company time gossiping and doing their makeup while sitting prim and pretty on those lovely seats? (I'm totally kidding.)
Alas, and here we have yet another picture (albeit flawed, lacking, and very crude) of something that we know from life's experiences; something C.S. Lewis talked about, and something Paul talked about.
Resting places on this earth are not meant to be places where we settle for good. They are meant for some purpose, just as a bathroom is meant for the release of your bodily waste. And once they have fulfilled their purposes, it is time to move on, to go forth and carry on the work that lies outside.
You can't sit in the steamy warmth and restful peace of the morning shower all day. There is life to be lived just outside the bathroom door.
You can't sit on the toilet seat all day. There is work to be done just outside the door.
You can't just lie down forever in the riches of a restful time that has been graciously bestowed unto you. There is a vast field that has yet to be harvested just outside the door.
"The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home." - C.S. Lewis
"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before." - Philippians 3:13
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