I feel that when I first experienced my salvation, it was as if God placed me in a brand new "territory." I use the word "territory" loosely here, cos I don't mean that I feel like I was given a physical piece of land, but I mean that God gave me a new ethereal lot in life, and so I will refer to it as "territory."
The new territory that He placed me in was glorious and beautiful, full of light. So, for the first few months I enjoyed it, breathed it all in and walked around, fully absorbing the freshness of it all.
But, as with all beautiful lands, when it is granted to one person there will be many more who will do what they can to occupy it with you, or worse, take it all from you. In my nascent naivete, I was unaware of any notion related to losing this new territory.
Slowly at times, quickly during others, I watched as the outer skirts of my territory began changing hands, as the light I once laid my eyes upon grew dark. I saw areas that I had not even yet perused being gobbled up by those who had no intentions of sharing them, but claimed it all as their own and desired nothing less than to kick me out completely.
It took me a while to realize this, and then to stand up and decide what my response should be. I had two choices:
1. I could allow this to happen and watch it play out to the fullest extent, clinging to a feeble hope that these voracious conquerors would take and ravage all they desired and leave me a small plot of this beautiful territory to keep and call as my own.
2. Or I could come to my senses and realize that the land these conquerors were seizing was mine, that the entire territory was given to me, that no one was ever meant to have any of it, and respond accordingly.
2. Or I could come to my senses and realize that the land these conquerors were seizing was mine, that the entire territory was given to me, that no one was ever meant to have any of it, and respond accordingly.
Option 1 was and is the easier one, and one that I have fallen for and continue to fall for today.
Option 2, on the other hand, was the harder and more difficult alternative. It's the one I shied away from and still look upon with fear. But I know that it is the right one.
So, what must I do?
I was wrong in lazily enjoying the new territory when I was first placed in it. I should have been building walls, towers, and strongholds on the outer borders, and prepared to fight to the very end of my finite will in order to protect and selfishly keep this land as my very own.
Alas, it is too late to fret over what I failed to do. Pieces of this sweet territory have already been taken away from me. Places that I had not even yet tasted have already been stolen from my eyes, and this breathes life into great sorrow and even greater rage that grows in my heart with each letter I am typing here.
I did not build strong defenses against this foray, and I repent of that. I repent of the fact that I just sat and watched as the enemy expanded their territory as they greatly shrunk mine. I repent that my weak mind and heart have oftentimes opted to choose Option 1.
But I know that choosing between the two options is not a onetime decision. Rather, it is the choice I make with every breath I am given, with every thought my brain raises, with every moment that passes by.
Though I know my egregious fondness for Option 1 will never completely fade away, I do know that my desire to choose Option 2 is growing hotter now, and that I will take back what was and still is rightfully mine.
The fight to reclaim my territory will be tortuous, overwhelming, and bitter, but I know this is what I am meant to do, and I know that it is what I want to do.
Will Option 1 become alluring to me the second I finish typing this entry? Yes. I can't lie about that.
But Option 2 is where my heart lies.
I've languished for too long, piddling around this tiny plot of land that the enemy has so graciously left me. It's time to go beyond this. It's time to taste, for the first time, all the sweetness that has always been mine. It's time to stop neglecting what has been given me.
So, I'm clanging my sword and shield, rallying myself, calling upon the Triumvirate to aid me, and marching out to revisit familiar lands and to battle familiar foes. And, if all goes very well, I may find areas that are still new to me.
My territory will be wholly mine once again.
Arise, arise, Riders of Theoden!
Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter!
spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered,
a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises!
Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!
For morning came, morning and a wind from the sea; and darkness was removed, and the hosts of Mordor wailed, and terror took them, and they fled, and died, and the hoofs of wrath rode over them. And then all the host of Rohan burst into song, and they sang as they slew, for the joy of battle was on them, and the sound of their singing that was fair and terrible came even to the City.
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